


Heartbreak Sucks

by loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS



Series: Plance Through The Years [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Heartbreak, Matt (Voltron) Being a Good Brother, Pining Pidge | Katie Holt, mentions of allurance, onesided plance, soft angst, this is longer than it needs to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 05:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16825696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS/pseuds/loOkMA_iTyPeLiKeDiS
Summary: He can’t take his sister’s pain away, but he can damn well make sure to be the best big brother in the entire world.





	Heartbreak Sucks

When Matt got a call from his mother that he needed to come home immediately, he expected it to be a dire emergency or that something horrible had happened to someone, so he’d made the first trip he could back to Earth.

It did turn out to be an emergency, but thankfully nothing life-threatening.

Turned out, Pidge had pretty much locked herself in her workshop in the basement for damn near a week and hardly came out except to get some food every once in a while. She hadn’t spoken to their parents at all about what was going on, and despite their efforts to get her out of her funk, Pidge remained elusive and impossible. She was cold and distracted and frequently lost in thought and their parents had no clue what to do so they’d called him in for damage control.

Matt himself had only ever seen her get this way twice: when their grandmother passed away years ago and when Bae Bae was hit by a car and things were touch and go for a while.

So he could garner a guess that whatever was causing her current state had to be something extremely personal and hard for her to deal with on her own. But whenever things like that happened, she shut pretty much everyone out and it was impossible to get her to open up and stop guarding her heart.

His mom was horribly worried and his dad couldn’t figure out what to do to get Pidge back up on her feet again, so Matt had rolled up his sleeves and decided to get to the bottom of this. Or at the very least, help her through it without overstepping and plodding all over her coping mechanisms.

The first thing Matt registered when he walked into the dreary basement workshop was the fact that it smelled like sweat and body odor, as if someone hadn’t showered in a while. Bae Bae even was not entering fully into the room, instead perched by the bottom of the stairwell and resting his face on his paws. Matt stooped and rubbed behind their dog’s ears who let out a whine that sounded like concern.

“I know, Bae Bae…” he murmured. “I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

The next thing he noticed was that Pidge was using a blowtorch to cut a thin piece of metal. On her workstation table, she’d assembled small bits of what looked like an unfinished helmet sitting on a mannequin head. Pidge herself looked worse for wear with tangled hair and in a giant ratty flannel shirt covered in grease stains and oil. There was no music playing and instead of the excited twinkle in her gaze when she was building, he could only see a dull look of fatigue and some lingering irritation and pain.

Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks blotchy, like she’d been crying on and off, and he instantly felt himself prickle with worry.

What had happened to her?

Matt loped into the room nonchalantly, hands in his pockets and an easy going expression on his face so she wouldn’t immediately have her guard up. He knew for sure that something was bothering her because she only got into her super mechanical mode when she needed to take her mind off of something. But if he approached too strong and/or made her feel like she was getting wedged into a corner, she’d run and he didn’t want to make her life any harder than it currently was.

“Heya Pidge!” he greeted cheerfully, sidling up to her. “Guess who’s back from outer space for the next few weeks?”

She barely spared him a glance. “Hn…”

“Whatcha making? And without proper safety procedures and equipment might I add…”

Pidge ignored his quip, but did turn off the blowtorch and set it on the table. “A prototype for a new piece of tech.”

Now he was getting somewhere.

“Sounds interesting.” Matt remarked, picking up the part she’d mostly gotten complete. Screws were hanging out and it looked really rough around the edges, but he knew when she got it cleaned up and fixed and worked out the design kinks, it would probably look fantastic as all her tech did. “What’s it supposed to do when it’s done?”

She plucked it out of his hands and set it back down on the mannequin head. “Either rewire my brain into shutting down all my emotions or kill any emotions related to sadness.”

Matt chuckled at her response, thinking it was some of her good old snark, but when she didn’t so much as crack a smile, he knew she was completely serious about that.

He narrowed his eyes. “And why do you possibly need to make something like that?”

She narrowed her eyes right back. “Never mind, Matt.”

Barring the fact that it was a little mad scientist-ish even for her, her wanting to remove her emotions (and specifically sadness) could only mean that something had caused her ample pain. Something he needed to get to the bottom of because he hated to see Pidge so upset. Very little could rattle her to the point of growing so subdued like this, so whatever was the cause of her melancholy, he would stop at nothing to figure out.

Matt put his hands on his hips. “Look, you’re obviously upset. And there’s no way I can just stand here and leave it alone when you look like you’ve been crying. I’m not going to let you wallow alone. I’m here for you, just as I’ve always been, so if you need to talk about it, lay it all on me.”

Pidge was staring at him, so he noticed the hesitation going through her gaze as she contemplated his words.

“Did someone make fun of you? Do I need to go beat up a bully? I’m not scrawny anymore and I can fight so say the word and I’ll go bust some kneecaps!” Pidge shook her head slowly and averted her gaze to the ground. Then he cringed, realising for the first time that maybe the issue wasn’t in his realm of understanding. “Or… is this a, you know… woman change thing? Like with your lady parts? Or are you pregnant?!”

“Really?” Pidge looked just as disgusted as he felt for having brought that up in the first place. “I’m not pregnant and it’s not about my lady parts.”

“Then what’s your damage, sis?” He leaned back against her workstation table and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m not going anywhere, so you might as well just tell me.”

“It’s embarrassing, Matt…” Pidge sighed, walking over and slumping down onto her bean bag chair in the corner. She chewed on her lower lip and when she looked back at him, he could see that her eyes were welling with tears again that she roughly wiped away. “Getting all emotional over something this stupid.”

“It’s not something stupid if you got hurt by it. Your pain is valid. Don’t diminish it.”

She let out a long breath and looked up at the ceiling as if bracing herself. “I… like Lance. A lot. I thought it was just a crush, but it’s a little more than that.”

“You’re upset because you have a crush on your friend?”

Pidge gave him an incredulous look. “Obviously _not_ , Matt.”

“Sorry, sorry. No need to rip my head off.” He put his hands up placatingly with a smile. “So what’s wrong then?”

“Everything is wrong…” Her voice broke a little with the words and she cleared it vigorously. “Lance, he… he asked Allura out for real and she said yes. And now they’re going steady and I know there’s no reason to get all upset about this, but it hurt, Matt. Seeing their happy smiles and them holding hands… I just… I…”

Matt couldn’t deny that he was pretty impressed that the blue paladin had managed to bag that gorgeous princess, but he didn’t say anything out loud because now he completely understood why Pidge was in such a bad mood. The guy she liked was into someone else and was even in a relationship with someone else now. Seeing that had to hurt, especially for someone like his sister, who he _knew_ wasn’t the type to fall for someone easily. In all their time growing up, Matt could only ever remember her having that small crush on Shiro, but hell, _everyone_ had a crush on Shiro when they met him.

“Pidge…”

She sniffled and shook her head as she bit down on her trembling lower lip. “Just ignore me. I’m being super melodramatic right now.”

“You’re being _normal_. Heartbreak isn’t something easily ignored.”

“But it’s just crazy, isn’t it? You’d never expect that from me, right?” She glowered down at her hands and picked at a hangnail on her thumb. Bitterness dripped from her words and she was clearly distraught. “And especially not over some crush on a guy who’s never seen me as a viable option.”

“Everyone gets crushes, Pidge.” Matt refuted gently, reaching out with his foot to nudge her own sock-clad one. “Even robotic little sisters who get more turned on by a good binary code than some attractive guy.”

She rolled her eyes but still was looking at her hands. Matt sighed and set aside his slight discomfort over the conversation topic. Whenever he was nervous, he tended to fall back on cracking jokes and goofing around, but that was not what Pidge needed right now. When he’d told Shiro way back when about his own crush, the man had supported him infallibly. What Pidge needed was the same kind of uplifting support.

“Katie,” Matt said seriously, and she finally glanced up and looked him in the eye. He could see that she was close to crying again by the sheen of glittering tears over her eyes, but he commended her for being so strong and trying to keep it together when her heart was hurting so much. And he lamented the fact that there was not much he could do in a situation like this but offer his support. “Crushes can happen to anyone on anyone at any time. There’s nothing abnormal about getting a crush on a guy who you spend a lot of time having a lot of fun with. You both have tons in common and you probably get each other. So it’s not so crazy that it happened.”

“It’s just…” Her voice cracked a bit and she stood up and walked back over to her unfinished machine, sniffling the slightest and clearly trying not to let tears fall. “I’m annoyed at _myself_. I feel so stupid. He’s liked Allura since day one on the Castle of Lions. I knew this was coming, but a part of me kept hoping that maybe being back on Earth might change things around, you know? I don’t know… it’s stupid.”

“It’s really not stupid. Crushes can make you crazy.”

Pidge turned to him questioningly. “No offence, but how would you know? You’ve had girlfriends even as a nerd since halfway through your puberty. And plus you have a steady girlfriend now. I don’t think you’ve ever really struggled in that department.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve been in your shoes before.” And Matt sighed, knowing this was going to have to come out sooner or later. He’d been hoping to keep his secret for the rest of his life. “Don’t tell anyone, but… I used to have a _massive_ crush on one of my superior officers at the Garrison and I would fall all over myself trying to impress her. Acting crazy goofy, trying to show off, buying her random gifts so she would notice me. You know I really thought Kerberos would be my chance to prove to her that I was a man and capable of being her lover. You can only imagine how badly it turned out.”

Pidge stared at him blankly. “Well that’s not surprising.”

“What? That I had a crush?”

“That she didn’t see you as a man,” she snarked.

Matt grabbed her in a headlock, giving her a noogie and messing up her already tangled head of hair.

“What was that, you hobgoblin? I’m not sure I caught that,” he said playfully through grit teeth.

“Eww! Matt, your pits are sweaty and stink!” Pidge struggled against his arms as she tried to get away. “Okay, sorry! I was just joking!”

“You’re one to talk. Your hair reeks like cheese, and it’s greasy.” He let her out from his armpit, chuckling as she wrinkled her nose at him and flipped him off. At least she was more animated now, and that dull look in her gaze had subsided somewhat. “My point was, I confessed to her after I got Kerberos and my corrective eye surgery. I don’t know what I thought would happen, but for some reason, I tricked my idiot brain into assuming she would absolutely fall madly in love with me. I don’t know why. It was so dumb. I felt like the world’s most naïve fool when she told me she had a girlfriend. I never even had a chance. In more ways than one.”

Pidge nodded slowly, her brows lifting up high on her forehead. “Yeah. That’s the feeling.”

“The despair and embarrassment. Like your whole world is shattering around you.” Matt chuckled to himself and shook his head as he relived that day in his memories of giving her the bouquet of flowers and the chocolates, of trying to be cute and funny and propose to her to be his girlfriend and that he hoped she’d wait for him… only to be turned down flatly. The kiss on the cheek hadn’t even been enough to help him get over the heartbreak. “Feeling like you’re less than. Losing your self-confidence and how self-assured you’ve always been.”

“Yeah exactly, except thankfully I didn’t confess,” Pidge admitted. “Maybe I was scared to tell him all this time, but I’m glad I didn’t, because I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been when Lance would probably turn me down. I guess I just hate feeling like he never even noticed me. The worst part is how dumb I felt reading into any and all small interactions as possible signs that he might like me too, even though I _knew_ what he got like when he had someone he liked. I could see it every damn day and I was still so delusional.”

“You weren’t delusional. You liked someone, so I understand how easy it was to convince yourself you had a chance. I know exactly the feeling of getting mad at the person for not liking you back but then feeling disappointed in yourself because you know everyone has a right to choose who they want to like, but you can’t help it because you feel betrayed, right?”

“That’s definitely the gist of it.” Pidge chuckled a bit miserably and gave him a grateful look. “Thank God for big brothers. Matt, you’re the best.”

Matt blinked in surprise, having not expected that blatant warmth from Pidge. They’d always gotten along well, but their life circumstances and positions as space fighters had kept them pretty occupied and they hadn’t had very many heart-to-hearts in a while. He couldn’t help the smile tugging on his own lips.

“Pidge, heartbreak sucks. And just when you think you’re getting over it, it hurts again because they do something that reminds you why you like them so much in the first place. And then when you finally do move on after that, it makes you sad again because that’s the end of your first love.” Pidge sniffled and nodded, and Matt pulled her into a gentle hug, rubbing her back to comfort her. “You’re only eighteen. There’ll be plenty more fish in the sea, okay? You’re a catch. You’re Katie Freaking Holt, my super genius baby sister and the coolest paladin of Voltron.”

“Actually, I think that title goes to Keith or Allura.” Pidge laughed a bit into his shirt when he jabbed his thumb into her back. “Okay, okay, sorry. I _am_ cool.”

“ _And_ you’re not going to let a broken heart dictate the rest of your week, okay?” He pulled back a bit and pinched her nose between his thumb and forefinger. Pidge whined in annoyance and slapped his hand away from her face, though she looked like she was fighting back a smile. “I won’t let you turn into a mole person down here. I’ll be here for you so we can help you get through this _together_. That’s what big bros are for. Well, that and teasing you about your crush.”

“Matt—”

“I know, I know. It’s too soon for teasing right now, but trust and believe when you feel better, I’ll be in your face tormenting you on your crush.”

Pidge sighed in exasperation. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you…”

“I’m offended that you didn’t tell me for so many years! It is my _right_ as an older sibling to tease you about everything and you stole that from me.”

“Yeah, yeah, ya big goof.” Pidge pushed away from him and moved to set away her tools and shut down her station. “So. Who was this girl you liked anyway, huh?”

Matt winced. He’d been hoping she would gloss over his mentioning of the girl and pretend he hadn’t said anything.

“Not important.”

Pidge turned to look at him over her shoulder suspiciously. “I told you I like Lance. It’s only fair if you tell me who you liked.”

Matt was so sure he would regret this forever. “Veronica.”

“Wait… Veronica? As in _Lance’s_ sister, Veronica?”

“Yes, that Veronica.”

“But you’re nothing alike and she’s like top tier royalty and you’re… you know, awesome, but no offence, you’re still _you_.”

“I take no offence at that, Kit Kat! And I agree. But she was more than royalty to me, and at the time my young adult heart couldn’t take it. Veronica was my elegant, regal queen with a heart of gold! A beautiful goddess with long, luscious legs and a bountiful, perfect ra—”

“I guess we Holts have a type, huh?” Pidge mused, glancing wistfully at the weird trash sculpture in the corner with the blue body and the brown noodle hair coming out of its head.

“They are a very attractive bunch. And I don’t know if Dad has ever had The Talk with you—”

“ _No_ , thank God.” Pidge rolled her eyes. “And I hope to keep it that way.”

“— _but_ apparently it runs in our blood to be attracted to people wholly different from us. So if you think about it, it makes some sense that Lance piqued your fancy. And hey, I’m not judging. You’ve spent so much time with him over the years you probably know him really well too. When you spend that much time with someone, it’s not such a weird thing to develop feelings.”

“But why _him_? All of us paladins have spent years together.” Pidge gesticulated to the air in frustration. “Why couldn’t I have fallen for Hunk or even Keith… urgh, it’s gonna be so awkward hanging out with Lance and Allura. I’m tempted to stop hanging out with them altogether.”

“It doesn’t have to be awkward, Pidge. You don’t have to let this end your close bond with them. Sure, you’re hurt, but you care about them. They were your family when we couldn’t be there,” Matt reminded her. “And think about it. You’d rather keep them as your friends than never talk to them again because of their relationship, right? How much worse would your life be without their presence?”

“I guess…” She scuffed her toe on an old stain on the old hippie rug, her shoulders slumping again. “I want them to be happy, but it’s hard to be positive about it.”

Matt knew how that felt. He should have been elated about Kerberos and preparing for it, but he’d spent weeks trying to deal with Veronica’s rejection, especially since he still saw her every day. Nevertheless, he was proud of Pidge. The Pidge he knew in the past would have shut them out for good, closed her heart off, and held a grudge towards them, but his sister seemed like she was working hard on handling her sadness and dealing with it in a constructive way.

(Well, semi-constructive, considering her intentions with that machine).

“Look, you need a distraction, Pidgey Pie. How about I introduce you to some rebel friends of mine from other factions and you go on a couple fun, easygoing dates. They don’t have to mean anything, but it’ll keep your mind off things. That’s what Shiro told me years ago, and it did help a little bit. And on the plus side, I learned how to flirt.”

“Sure… ‘flirt’.” Pidge intoned. “But how is that supposed to help? I’ll just keep thinking how much I want to be dating Lance.”

“True, but you could get free meals, movies, and adventures out of it." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “And you get better at kissing, among other things.”

Pidge gave him a look like she was still trying to decide if he was a genius or if it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard in her life. “…What the hell, right? If he didn’t notice me for several years, he probably wouldn’t notice me now. I guess I do need to move on.”

The statement was coupled with a brief pained look that crossed her features but she took a deep breath and straightened up as if she was choosing not to dwell on it too much anymore.

His brave baby sister. She deserved the world.

“And trust me, it’s far better for you to get over a guy than spend your time pining over what you don’t have.” Matt wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side. “Besides, I don’t like seeing my favourite sister sad.”

“I’m your only sister…” she remarked dryly, but she didn’t shrug out of his hold when he began steering her towards the stairs out of the basement workshop.

“Tomato, to-maht-ta. Now how about you leave your—quite frankly—terrifying project for a bit, go upstairs and shower for once, make yourself look cute, and I’ll take you to that nearby planet that has all the weird trees.”

“I wouldn’t even want to go to an arboretum on _this_ planet. What makes you think I’d go to one on another planet?”

“I thought you were the nature paladin?” Matt tsked her with a raised brow and she gave him an exasperated look. “And trust me, _this_ one is way cooler. Dr. Seuss’s trees look like plain oak trees compared to these ones. Plus there are some that look like human body parts. It’s hilarious.”

She frowned, but shrugged nonetheless. “I guess it’d be a good idea to get out of the house.”

Matt grinned. “Attagirl. And when we get back to Earth, they’re showing Empire Strikes Back at that vintage theatre in the next city over so we can go see that too. And then we can go bowling if you want or anywhere really. We’ll do anything you want. Oh, and don’t tell dad I’ll be setting you up on dates. He’d probably get freaked out.”

“Duly noted.” Pidge snorted, crooking her finger at Bae Bae and the dog followed them out. “Thanks, Matt.”

They headed up the stairs while Matt regaled her with a crazy tale of one of their rebel groups’ latest missions on a planet with inhabitants who reminded him of gummie bears and how he'd been so tempted to take a bite out of them. Pidge chuckled or nodded occasionally, though she didn’t contribute much. He could see she was making an effort, but every once in a while, he could hear her soft sniffles.

And he wished that he could take away _all_ her pain. He wanted to do more to help her. All her life, he’d done his best to protect her from the bullies, to cheer her up and prove to her that she could rise above the horrid behaviour of her peers. He didn’t want her heartbroken, but this? This wasn’t something he could easily fix.

In the end, only time would heal the wound of her heartbreak, but Matt would make sure to be the best damn big brother he could ever be until the pain behind her eyes was gone.

That was a promise.


End file.
